The Story of a Heart Warrior
“I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.”
The day I spoke those words, I never dreamt that part of the “sickness” I would face hand-in-hand with my spouse in our marriage would involve our second born child, a beautiful baby boy, born May 2025.
I had a joyous pregnancy, feeling better than I had carrying our first born daughter. During my pregnancy, I even found the energy to not only co-host the Cana Wedding Expo, the first ever Catholic bridal show to take place in Virginia, but also complete my Master Certified Wedding Planner training.
A few weeks before my due date, I began doing all the typical, nonsensical “nesting” things—because of course my newborn was going to care about dust-free baseboards, sparkling clean pendant lights in the kitchen, and the Christmas decorations in the garage being fully organized. I was excited for the upcoming baby snuggles, entering into motherhood for the second time, and watching my daughter become a big sister!
Baby was born successfully—albeit not on “May the Fourth” as my husband and I had hoped. In the words of C-3PO: “Oh dear!” But then, in the midst of all the joy and love of introducing baby to his big sister and soaking in baby snuggles, our entire world came crashing down on us.
The hospital staff told us that he had a slight heart murmur and he was “breathing a little fast.” Still, they told us to “take a nap and you’ll be discharged in about an hour after a quick echocardiogram to rule out anything major.” Within 30 minutes of the “quick echocardiogram,” a staff member came into our hospital room and told us that our son’s oxygen had dropped, that he was in the NICU, and that he would be transported to Charlottesville immediately. We were still encouraged, as initially it seemed that the diagnosis & treatment wouldn’t be too complicated. Yet, our son spent the first two months of his life at UVA in Charlottesville, after receiving life-saving surgery at 6 days old for his condition.
I will never forget the complete outpouring of prayer for my son, the nurses who became family, the amazing medical staff at UVA, his wonderful surgeon, the Child Life specialists who watched our toddler so we could pray our daily novena to Our Lady of Fatima (which we started on his surgery day), and the amazing families from my parish that practically raised my daughter while I lived 2 hours away from my family for two full months.
Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?
I read the verse below every single day throughout the entire two month stay.
35 On that day, when evening came, He said to them, “Let’s go over to the other side.” 36 After dismissing the crowd, they took Him along with them in the boat, just as He was; and other boats were with Him. 37 And a fierce gale of wind developed, and the waves were breaking over the boat so much that the boat was already filling with water. 38 And yet Jesus Himself was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?” 39 And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Hush, be still.” And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm. 40 And He said to them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?” 41 They became very much afraid and said to one another, “Who, then, is this, that even the wind and the sea obey Him?” Mark 4:35-41
What did I learn?
Our Lady’s “Cross to Bear”
When everything happened, I spent a lot of time contemplating Our Blessed Mother and the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Many people told me that my son’s condition was my cross to bear. For a while, I agreed although it didn’t entirely feel like “my” cross to bear.
Then it hit me: my son’s heart condition is his cross to bear. And I was called to be his mother and help him bear it.
Now, I am not and will never be Our Blessed Mother. But I draw great inspiration from her strength, serenity, and composure. Our Lady was at the foot of the cross watching her son die and she never once acted impulsively or hysterically. She accepted and persevered through the grief she was assigned. And as a human being conceived without the stain of original sin, her experience of grief was that much more painful than our experience with grief will ever be.
Whereas my son’s “cross” is just a figurative one, Mary’s son’s cross was a literal one. In fact, she had to live knowing that He would ultimately be nailed to it. Whereas I only faced the possibility of my son’s mortality, Mary lived it. She watched her son take his first steps, knowing she would see him take his last steps on his walk to Calvary.
As odd as it sounds, when my son’s chest was not yet closed post-surgery, it comforted me to see it beating through the sanitary patch over his sternum. I recalled images that people have shared where the Eucharist looks like a beating heart. When scientifically analyzed, Eucharistic hosts from reported miracles have had one thing in common: “the tissue fragments observed under the microscope undoubtedly belong to the human heart and look as if the sample had been taken from the heart of a living person in agony.”
Live What You Say, Boldly
In the hospital, I truly had to live up to one of my core business values, boldness in my Catholic faith.
My husband and I prayed unceasingly over our precious newborn. Every day we blessed him with holy oil and water and prayed the Lorica of St. Patrick in front of nurses and medical staff no matter how awkward it felt at times. One of the nurses kindly taped a laminated third class relic prayer card of St. Jude to his NICU bassinet.
Beginning on his surgery date, we prayed a novena to Our Lady of Fatima. By the end of those 9 days, our son’s chest was closed up, he was extubated, off several medications, and breathing room air! The doctors said it was one of the best recoveries they had seen lately, and I happily shared this with anyone I spoke to.
His recovery was so quick that I thought we would be out of the hospital a lot sooner. However, the Lord crossed my path with so many random strangers who needed a listening ear, an encouraging word, or a quick prayer. I shared rosary beads with a woman who had always wanted to learn how to pray the rosary and offered prayers and holy oil to a mother who told me about her son’s passing.
Flexibility, Resilience, Courage and Gratitude
Surprisingly, the experience sharpened my abilities as a wedding planner. For starters, I learned to be extremely flexible with the daily changing realities of my son’s care.
In addition, I learned to brave even the most difficult of situations. The first week of July when my son was discharged on Monday, I was supposed to lead a rehearsal and coordinate a wedding in Maryland (4 hours round trip) the same week! I accomplished this, even though Friday that week we had a medical appointment in Charlottesville in the morning (another 4 hour round trip)! Truly, I feel like there is nothing I can’t handle after the many hurdles I’ve experienced in the last four months.
Finally, my world view shifted entirely and I learned to be more present, prayerful, and thankful. If I contemplate the future, there are too many “what-ifs” for my son’s future. For this reason, my husband and I have learned to live in the present and appreciate it even more, and ensure we always lean into prayer. We realize what a blessing our daughter was and how easy it is to take healthy babies and births for granted. We are humbled thinking of the hundreds of people who prayed for us, shared our prayer requests, and supported us during the darkest time of our lives.
Life is hard.
In your marriage, you will face trials you never imagined. It was never in my plans to watch my son be baptized and confirmed at 3 days old in case he died during life saving surgery.
Yet, the sacrament of marriage will give you the graces to overcome these trials.
Therefore, it’s more than just a “wedding reception,” but rather a celebration that you have found the other disciple who will be in the boat with you when the waters are rough. A spouse to cling to when the unexpected is thrown your way, and to share in joy when you finally find the hidden blessings behind the ordeal.
Ways to Help: (more coming soon)
One of the ways to Get Involved and help UVA Child Life is to purchase a gift from their wish list! UVA Child Life Specialists helped my toddler to bond with her brother and acclimate to his hospital stay in a very difficult time for us all.
One of the ways to Donate and help RMH Charlottesville is to purchase a gift from their wish list! RMH Charlottesville gave me a place to stay so I could be by my son’s side daily, have a warm meal to come home to, and see smiling faces daily.
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